Time moves slowly by. Still my Beloved must work from home in order to keep watch over me that I do no serious self-harm. These issues that were defeated and dead are resurrected and powerful once again. It is very hard not to feel completely defeated – just to give in to the desires that continually drive me deeper and deeper into depression.

I have a new doctor – a psychiatrist again, to add to the others. My general practitioner did exactly what I presumed he would do – back out of all responsibility for psychiatric prescriptions. However, he also did something I never imagined he would do – and I never would have requested. He gave me two sources of direct access to him bypassing his nurses altogether. He did this in response to my expressions of how much more complex and painful it was for me because he did not respond personally to my pleas to talk personally to him. Under normal circumstances I would never presume to do this; but he had specifically said to me that he understood there were things I would say to him that I cannot express to his nurse and that he would be available to me in a crisis situation.

Along with the psychiatrist came a new drug to use in conjunction with the Lorazapam. It works, but it makes me completely unable to function – even more so than without it.

Even as I type I hear the confusion and contradictions. I hate not being in command of my thoughts and body.

I cry out my petition to the only One Who understands and can truly rescue me from my predicament. I know that tomorrow is another important day – another EMDR session. What I say in that session is critical because the EMDR therapist is the one who recommended this psychiatrist to the insurance company and the two of them will talk following the session to decide what else needs to be done about my current crisis.

I know there is a war going on in the spiritual realm for my survival, and prayer will make the difference between what will and will not be done about it in the medical realm. Please pray with us for Holy intervention and victory.