Before I get too far into this post, I need to let you know who is writing – well, sort of. It’s not Abigail, and it’s now anyone who’s name you would recognize. Just saying, it’s not Abigail.

A therapist told me about a song from a movie that pretty well says who I am. The Beaches who sang “The Wind Beneath My Wings” So, yeah, I’m the wind beneath someone’s wings. I encourage her and share her sorrows and cheer her victories. When she is down, she’s a little less down because I’m there to lighten her load. Guess I should also let you know that I’m not an adult yet, either.

So, now for the post.

We’ve been thinking about dedicating the book to the psychiatrist who diagnosed us. He got unexpectedly extremely ill and had to retire early. We miss him a lot, and we really want to dedicate the book to him. If not for him many times over the book would never be more than a dream.

But here’s the glitch. If we write his name in the book, there are a good many people who would immediately know who we are, or at least be able to figure it out without too much effort. How do we express our great appreciation without undermining our efforts to keep our identity secret? The only thing we have thought of is to write the dedication and identify him as the psychiatrist who diagnosed us; and then give him a complimentary copy of the published book. If you all have any other suggestions, we would be open to considering them.

Ooops, that wasn’t the concern to write about, was it. Sorry about the confusion. (Shifting gears)

This round of depression has been one of the worst we have ever had. We get a few days of fewer tears and uncontrollable fixation w/ cutting/self-harm/suicide. Then when we think we can trust that things are getting better, some complication comes up or else the bottom seems to drop out and we are right back into the thick of it again.

These are issues we truly believed we had beat – that they were in the past permanently. It’s very disheartening to keep getting dunked deeper and deeper into muck we thought we had defeated and were in our past.

The latest complication is my blood work came back showing very high glucose levels in the blood. We happened to mention it to our EMDR therapist who told us this is a serious side effect that is common with the newest med we were put on to control the strong urges to do self harm.  Our feelings have been very mixed about taking this med anyway, because it seems to help significantly by doesn’t last very long. Tomorrow morning we will see the psychiatrist who will have already been informed of my blood work results because our therapist felt it was too important to chance us forgetting to mention it to her. Since she is new to the team and the list of all the meds that have caused numerous negative reactions is not completely documented, she may very well want to try a different med. Trouble is, we have been on the entire list of psych meds that can be used to treat depression, manic depression, as well as some others. I feel like a badly stained shirt that is highly resistant to all stain removers and is very delicate and easily damaged.

So this is not a very encouraging post, I’m afraid. Perhaps tomorrow will turn out better than I fear and I can write something more cheery. Hopefully I will get a chance to post about it soon.