I’m not Abigail or Plex or anyone who will ever have my name designated on a blog. I’m merely one of the many – a  minion, in fact, but a legitimate one. I make a point to not be out very much. I don’t see eye to eye with most of the others – a skeptic, you could say. We were deeply involved in a conversation with a dear and trusted friend and somehow I ended up out. Now the trick is to be out as short a time as possible without being too intentional about it, since only Jesus has the right to control who is and isn’t out in this system. So my theory is that the quickest way to disappear from being out is to do or say whatever it is Jesus has in mind for my outness so that it can be done and over with. Tonight that means doing this post. That is the one and only reason you will ever see what I have  to say.

I got triggered out when we were talking about how trustworthy God is, or in my case, isn’t. I’m guessing that means that the best way to get back in is to write about what I think about God’s untrustworthyness, let Him challenge me (yet again), and then disappear when nothing gets solved. (In case you haven’t figured it out already, I’m not a very optimistic person, and trust is not my long suit.)

So here’s the thing. I’m not all that old, but I’m not all that young either. I’ve had a lot of time and opportunity to study what the Bible has to say about God, and I know a good number of other writings and discussions about what other people think about God and His trustworthiness. I acknowledge that what God says about Himself is true, but the Bible doesn’t just tell us what God says about Himself. It also tells us what other people say about God. It also says a lot about situations and history and stuff from which people have drawn a lot of conclusions about God’s trustworthiness and about what God says about Himself. That doesn’t even include all the things other books and articles and resources say about Him and say about what the Bible says about Him. With such a lot of information, it’s hard to keep sorted out what comes from where. It gets more than overwhelming long before it comes to a conclusion. So in the end, I have to come back to what I know in my core to be true.

In my core, I know what is right and what is wrong. I know what is just and what is unjust. It’s hardwired into me by my Creator. To deny it is to deny who Created me. Right?  Maybe not.

But what if….that is the question I’m wrestling with tonight. What if there is a right, a justice, that is beyond my capacity to comprehend. This is the query my friend posed to me tonight. Like a child who is young and doesn’t understand that the shot the doctor just gave me was to protect me from an illness that could hurt far worse than the pain of the shot. The child does not and cannot comprehend the very real threat that an unseeable germ could present to him/her. They only know they trust their parents who brought them to this place and permitted, perhaps even cooperated with, the doctor who just caused them very real physical pain. They might feel betrayed by the parent. They could feel confused about why the parent keeps taking them to this guy in the white suit who seems to only be present in the child’s life when the child is  most vulnerable or when they are sick (like I’m feeling right now – I have a migraine and I’m going to have to stop this and deal with the migraine very soon). The point is, maybe God seems untrustworthy to me because of my limited or impaired or immature/undeveloped ability to see things from His perspective.

Right now my ability to pursue this further is impaired by the migraine. It will likely take more than a night to resolve anyway. Unfortunately, that might mean me being out again sometime soon. For now, I’m gone.