It was a long and painful night last night. I’m not sure I really slept at all, but my prayer last night gave me what I needed to at least go to bed and rest.

Today was Sabbath, and I was so thankful for the time of fellowship and worship surrounded with people who lift me in prayer and comfort me in trying times. As is true so many times, the specific passages were ones that spoke comfort, reassurance and guidance to my aching heart.

Before going to bed last night I sent a message to my daughter asking her to grab a private moment to call. I needed the perspective of someone who really knew my dad and me and my history with him. She called this afternoon in response to my message. I’m so glad I got her view. She said what I needed to hear. She encouraged me to remember (and to remind my therapists) that Dad has been living with a limited capacity to think clearly do to his age and pour oxygen intake. His responses to me in recent weeks needs to be viewed with that in mind. She also shared her perceptions of my dad and my relationship with him over the years. She sees him as having codependent relationships and very faulty faith beliefs, especially while I was growing up.

Writing this is taxing me more than I thought it would. I wanted to get it written down before I forget important parts of our conversation; but I’m so depleted that it’s hard to keep my hands on the keyboard and I keep making errors. I will simply have to come back and finish this later.