I feel my last notation added to the end of the conclusion of series of posts about brother’s cancer may need some clarification.

To some it may seem like contradiction that I can feel so strongly that my brother has really failed to show genuine repentance for acts perpetrated against us in childhood, yet at same time so strongly desire all God’s grace and blessing to be bestowed upon him. Some might feel that I am in some form of denial of the grievous offenses done against us in order to want all God’s best for him. Some may just feel some general sense of confusion about how both can be factual at the same time.

I understand that it may be confusing, so I will attempt to explain as best I can.

There is a curious thing that occurs when a person prays consistently for anyone who has done a genuine offense against them. At first there may be no feeling of genuine desire for God’s favor to be given to the perpetrator, but only a intentional choice to be obedient to God’s commandment in the Bible to do so. It seems counter-intuitive – wouldn’t it make more sense to pray for God’s justice and judgement? It would seem that the Bible gives justification for both, so I can only conclude that there is a time or season for calling out for God’s justice and a time or season to cry out for God’s mercy – only God can judge for a person when it is the right time for them to do one or the other. But I can honestly say (and have heard testimony of others who have experienced same thing) that when we have felt inwardly a conviction that God wanted us to pray for His compassion and mercy be given to one who has done intentional harm to us, there has been a growing sense of compassion and genuine goodwill towards that person that takes root and grows within us. In this way we are blessed even when the perpetrator is unrepentant and/or unconvicted by any outside force. I must add that, based on the words of my Lord and Savior, God will extend to us only the measure of grace that we are willing to bestow to others, and also that He calls all His disciples to follow in His way by forgiving everyone every offense done against them, that eventually the season for forgiving will come for every offense. However, both experience and psychology tell us that when offenses are too quickly or easily forgiven without first a season of recognition and validation of the offense, the end result is unhealthy which will find expression in psychological or physiological ways either immediately or some time later.

All this to say that I have prayed often for my brother through the years of receiving healing through other means. I have found the emotions of resentment to be far more burdensome than emotions of grace and forgiveness, though emotions of resentment and anger that are ignored, denied,  or minimized become by far the most burdensome of all. Therefore I must find honest expression of genuine emotions felt. Allowing those emotions some form of expression often permits them to then be forgiven and/or dissipated Sometimes dissipation comes immediately after expression and sometimes it takes a while longer, especially when grieving is involved; but eventually validated and authentically expressed anger will dissipate leaving much room for forgiveness and goodwill to flow in like a flood, washing away all that has been burdensome before.