A logical question is frequently asked  in response to me telling about those very early experiences of dissociation. How can I possibly discern whether these are actual memories or just my imagination? To some extent there remains some questions – I can’t be 100% certain; but there are indicators that the likelihood is strong that what I believe are legitimate memories are at least somewhat accurate.

The personalities who hold these memories are very young and have had very little real life experiences other than these which would cloud or diminish the memories. In the normal course of life, people have many experiences on a daily basis that range the gambit of mundane to extremes in both happy and sad experiences. As new experiences come they tend to redefine or override older memories. Since the babies who experienced these traumas have just those memories, with no mundane or positive or  negative memories to skew or cloud the remembrance of earlier experiences, the memories retain their vivid accuracy. Early memories include smells, location of furniture, voice discrimination, colors – basically anything that can be recalled without verbalization. The things I could see, hear, taste, feel were recorded in the memory of that personality and stay there unaltered by the memories of other personalities. This is all theory, of course, since there would be no way to prove one way or another; but it does fit with theories of professionals in the field of study. Again, I need to state that I am not a professional trained in the field of psychology. I am sharing my understanding of my experience which has been recognized and reinforced in my personal therapy.

I also have a rare advantage in that my father kept a prayer journal in which he recorded some of the experiences I remember as an infant and throughout my life. Of course they are only his perspectives, but he actually has written things including,” I don’t even recognize this child. It is not our baby at all.” and “today we have our child back (the child we recognize as our baby)”. In addition to Dad’s journals, I have been able to describe to him the details of my earliest memories and he can hardly believe it’s possible how precise and accurate the details of the memories are. The fact that he is able to verify so much of the things he also remembers leads me to give more credence to the memories he can’t verify in any way.