It’s quickly approaching Christmas time and we are very busy making things and buying things for loved ones and friends. Most likely I won’t post again until after Christmas, but time will tell.

Usually this time of year is a huge struggle for me. The S.A.D.(Season Affect Disorder) makes my heart heavy, and memories of my mother’s final days with us at this same time of the year still linger with acute grief. I absolutely love giving gifts, especially ones I make, so the challenges I feel during the days leading up to Christmas are tempered with the joy of giving; but as soon as Christmas is over my emotions plummet. I really should say “we” instead of “I” because I don’t know of any of me who is not affected by conflicting emotions this time of year.

But the last couple days have been amazingly upbeat. I’ve been having severe migraines almost every day for several months now, but over the past week or two I have had 2-3 days without a migraine. That could be contributing to my improved sense of well-being. I started a new psych med just over a week ago, so that might be contributing as well. Two days ago I had a big break through with my therapy and I was elated (I still am), so that might be contributing as well.

So, you might ask, what is so dangerously good? Well….I’m having trouble with sleep. My internal clock seems to be out-of-sink. Some days I don’t get to bed until early morning hours and don’t get up until late afternoon the next day. Some nights I lay awake with my mind playing old familiar songs over and over again, or just thinking non-stop. Sometimes lately I have been up all night (or almost all night) and then continued active through the next day as if I had not lost any sleep the night before. Earlier today a migraine was in full swing so I took my meds and went to bed. But instead of resting my mind fixated on designing a dog sweater for a friend’s little dog. Even now my fingers are flying across the keys, much faster than my normal. My hands are trembling – not a lot but definitely noticeable. Maybe that’s because I’ve been decreasing the amount of codeine I take for my migraine headaches. Maybe, just maybe, these things can all be explained away very logically. However (you just knew there had to be an “However” coming), these are all things that happen when I am starting a season of manic. I haven’t been manic for a very long time. It’s been years. For me the swings from manic to depression to both at the same time can be very intermittent, and they can last for days or months or years. The fact that I can list all the reasons why being manic is a good thing is a very bad sign.

So it is with trepidation and hesitancy that I say I’m feeling dangerously good. We will just have to wait and see what the days ahead hold. God promises to be with me no matter the season; and He tells me to take one day at a time. (He even says each day has enough troubles of it’s own.) I am trying to do that no matter how I feel.