I’m starting a new category which I am entitling, “Intimate External Relationships”. This will include extended family relationships, immediate family relationships, close friendships through the years, and counselors through the years (at least that is what I am envisioning at the moment). It will not include relationships between different personalities, though that would make another good category, because we consider all of those to be internal relationships.

I will try to avoid names as much as possible, and if I feel I must use a name it will be an assigned name for the purpose of anonymity. I’ve explained before, but I suppose it bears repeating, that my desire in doing this blog (as well as the book I hope to write) is to not injure anyone’s reputation or esteem.

One reason this is coming up now has to do with the next phase of writing the book. It covers a very sensitive time in my life when someone I dearly love said and did extremely injuring things – things that remain unresolved to this day, which makes them very hard to write about. It has given me serious pause as I struggle to reconcile my desire to be as kind and loving in my expression of what happened and my understanding of why it happened with my commitment and calling to write with honesty and integrity. My ability to post on this blog has been hindered, as well as my ability to function normally in everyday life. I have focused much of my counseling time and personal prayer time figuring out what to express, how to express it, when, and through what means. I feel the need to do it pressing in on me, yet there very well may be a horrendous price to pay when I do. I’m convinced that it is what God wants me to do and He is stressing to me that now is the time, yet I truly fear it will be the end of this relationship permanently as well as seriously injuring other relationships I hold dear.

Some of you can relate to what I am going through. Your life journey has taken you down similar roads. Maybe you are at the crossroads of a similar decision right now. It’s hard and scarey to do what you believe in your heart of hearts is the right thing to do when the ramifications that threaten to come as a result of your obedience are ones you dearly dread. Only God has the courage you need to follow through with the right choice; and so you lean hard on Him as you move forward on shaky legs, praying hard the whole time that you will have not only the courage you need to carry through but also the stamina you need to cope with the fall-out that comes afterwards. I’d love to hear about it, and I’d dearly appreciate your prayer support.

Even though I have diligently searched my heart for any trace of unresolved anger or resentment stemming from that time in my life, and I find none, still I keep hearing messages about the need for complete and total forgiveness. Perhaps in the process of writing about it, something will surface that for now remains hidden. If so I will deal with it. It has cost me dearly to embrace my commitment to forgiveness, and I can’t conceive of anything that could merit any harboring of unforgiveness now.