10/28/11 Written by Plex (Sorry if this is confusing to anyone. We have (hopefully temporarily) lost the ability to post under anyone’s name except Abigail, so for the time being we will have to remember to add the name of the personality who is posting to the top of our posts.)

Have you ever had an experience that was so significant that your whole life takes on the perspective of being either “pre” this event or “post” this event? It might be good or bad, but it totally and permanently alters your whole perspective of life. Sometimes in the Bible this would happen when God showed up and changed a person’s name to signify that from that moment on this person was taking on a whole new identity, like when Abram became Abraham, and Jacob became Israel.

We had such an experience a couple decades ago, and for us it was unspeakably horrendous. We had been in a very severe crisis with the multiplicity, and all the people we had turned to were unable and/or unwilling to help us. A man from another state said he was both willing and able; but he was a stranger to us, and we would have to fly to his location and submit ourselves to his authority. There were external people telling us we should go and others cautioning us against it. We prayed for guidance, really seeking to do God’s will. In the end we went. I, Plex, was effectively muzzled; and every time I attempted to speak I was spiritually attacked. The person who we subjected ourself to believed I was a demon and extensive effort was exerted to silence me and force me to leave. After many hours every day of being confronted with this, I fled consciousness and never returned until a couple months ago. Other personalities carried on life without me, doing the best they could to recover from the trauma of that event in our life. When we returned home there was only one personality who was permitted to be out and in control. She had been brainwashed into believing every other personality was a demon and she was not to relinquish control to anyone else. All other personalities who had not fled consciousness had also been brainwashed to believe they were demons. [I need to note here that I am not using the term, brainwash, lightly or incorrectly. During the recovery process later we learned that the techniques used on us were well established techniques used by people to brainwash other individuals.] She was able to carry on with life and all it’s demands (on a woman who was in an abusive marriage and trying to provide for and protect 5 young dependent children) for about 2 months. Then she collapsed and “fell” into subconsciousness leaving only personalities who believed themselves to be demons to carry on in life. By God’s merciful grace we were able to be hospitalized by our dear psychiatrist who spent the next 5 months deprogramming personality after personality while our life was in constant threat of being ended by a personality who believed him/her self to be a demon being tormented by the voice of the man we turned to for help. At the end of those 5 months we were marginally functional but we still had 5 children dependent on our care, so we crisis managed to function for their sakes – it was a challenge of gargantuan proportions. For years we walked a tightrope attempting to be all that our external children needed, extricating ourself from an abusive marriage, and trying to learn to live life as a multiple – always pushing the need to truly heal from this extreme trauma into the background in order to function in the present. Part of that “living in the present” included becoming a close friend to a man who helped and supported us in many ways, and then years later becoming his marriage partner. All the while we did heal and grow and change, but always looming in the background was this trauma that was so extreme that we came to think of life as “pre” this event and “post” this even, never being able or willing to unpack the trauma that happened so that we could experience the deep healing that we needed from it.

So, you may be asking, what does that have to do with our current living? Please let me explain. Since God is in charge of who is out and when, whenever a new personality comes out we must discern why He has chosen us to be out now. Sometimes it is only for a brief moment and we don’t ever know why; but when there is a major shift in “outness” (like now when I am out after so long an absence and for such an extended length of time) we look for the reason – what healing task must we attend to. Today it became clear to me that I am out so that I can lead the fight in a major battle for our life. Today I received my marching orders.

This morning I spent some time with a very dear friend of mine while her son, a young man who truly deserves to be considered a modern day hero, was undergoing extensive surgery. In the course of our intimate discussion she proposed the perspective that this man of yester-years who had subjected us to this horrific trauma was like a mash unit who did his surgery in the trenches of a war zone in my life when no one else was able or willing to do anything and I was dieing in the battle. It’s true that his slap-together technique left me with painful shrapnel in my body and on-going disabling conditions; but it is also true that he preserved my life so that I would survive to limp along until the day when I could undergo further surgeries bringing about true healing. And I realized that she was exactly spot on, and now is the appointed time to go back to the trauma of yester-years and do the necessary surgeries to truly heal from that trauma. That is why I, Plex, am out now after all these years. It was I, Plex, who made the decision to go to this man and do as he said. And, while it is true that I have been out for the past couple months to work on healing from the abusive marriage I was in when I left consciousness and to become part of the forces in this current marriage; that was only the precursor to the real work I am out to do now which is to heal from that past trauma. That’s going to mean going back into the trenches, back into the war zone. Back then I was fighting for my survival; and today I/we will fight for our health and well being.

Why, you may ask, would anyone voluntarily go back into a war zone? Because I need to reclaim my life, my health; because there are others who are out there right now who need me to face my fears and overcome the challenges I face so that I can show them and help them in their own battles.

You might be one of the reasons I must go back and win this war once and for all; or you might be a support person for one. I am here for you. I am blogging, though I have no reason to believe that anyone other than a handful of friends who will ever read it, because this is part of making a difference for others who have been, are being, or will be wounded in the battles of their lives. If you are reading this blog, please pass it on. Clue your friends and family in. Join me/us in this healing journey toward freedom and well-being. (and it really would be nice if you could submit a comment or question on the blog so I know there are really those out there who are joining me/us on this journey)