Paradox is a word that has exemplified my life over and over again. In fact, I believe it is the primary reason I am a multiple. I just wasn’t able to reconcile the extreme paradoxes in close relationships, in my home life, and even in my faith.

The Bible speaks to the dynamics of paradox in both the old and new testaments. One of my life verses is in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 {“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.}

Over the years I have felt my weaknesses quite clearly, and even when the sense of weakness was most keen, I have also been aware of God’s strength being acted out in my life. He has amazed me at times with the ways He has demonstrated His strength. Many times other people have commented on my “strong faith” or attributing what they see in me to my own merit, and I have struggled during those times to communicate clearly how very weak I am yet how very strong Christ is within me. This isn’t a false humility or self-rejection or denial, though it is very hard to explain the difference some times. I just know from personal experience that when I deny the strength God makes available to me and lean on my own abilities instead of His, I can do nothing but fall on my face. I fail over and over again in even the simplest of determined efforts; but when I fully rest and rely on God’s strength, He proves Himself fully up to the challenge. Sometimes I don’t even recognize what He is doing in and through me until I reflect back on what I did or didn’t do and then I can see how He has brought strong good or benefit out of it. Then I am filled with awe and gratitude to Him for it, even though there may be other people around me who attribute it to me.