Plex:

This is a very paradoxical time of year for us, as it is for many others.

For years prior to 1979 it was full of happy anticipation and preparations – Christmas pageants and Christmas caroling, making presents and decorations, Christmas baking, and special music services. The focus was on the blessings of God’s Promise being fulfilled in the birth of a Baby Savior.Yet even this was set with a backdrop of a cross that was yet to come – an unthinkable evil necessary for the complete fulfillment for God’s promise to mankind. Herod made the threat very real to the new mother and father who had to flee in the night to protect their new tiny charge soon after his birth.

We felt the threat of impending disaster keenly in the Christmas season of 1979. In all honesty we had little time to think about it in the days prior to Christmas because all our strength and energy was being focused on sustaining Mother’s life and easing her suffering. The awfulness of what was happening didn’t fully sink in until we watched relatives come to see her for one last time and were stunned to see them flee from the room traumatized by the sights and smells that had previously gone unnoticed by us. She was our mother – our dear, precious mother; and we were too intent on easing her pain and distress to notice how grotesque her appearance had become. For three days and nights we listened as mother saw heaven’s doors and begged and pleaded for God to open if further to let her in. It seemed cruel at the time – if He was going to take her then why must she linger and plead for entrance into her relief.  Later we would look back and see that death came at the perfect time. We were at the airport picking up my brother and fiance when she breathed her last. If she had died earlier my brother would not have had a chance to see how merciful her death was – how significantly the cancer had impacted her life; because she gave her body to the university in the hopes of easing the suffering of other cancer patients in the future. And since her death came while we were on our way home from the airport he did not have to experience the intensity of her suffering – hear her calling out for God to open a window if not a door to let her in. These excruciating memories will forever be part of my memories of this time of year; and they rip at my very soul even still today.

Since then we have lost other dearly loved ones during this season; and although their deaths did not have the same traumatic impact as my mother’s death, still we feel the lose keenly and their loss compounds our grief this time of year. Our grief doesn’t errace the happy memories of earlier years, or the happy memories of Christmases with our dear children; but neither do the happy memories replace the grief-filled ones. Instead they blend into a bittersweet concoction that leaves a warm but heavy feeling deep in the pit of our being.

Even as I share this paradoxical experience that has come to be part of the Christmas season for us, we are very aware that there are many people who have suffered tremendous loss this time of year and who also suffer. As hard as this time of year is for us, we are extremely grateful for the comfort and blessing of a Savior who is well acquainted with all our grief; and it makes it an unthinkable realization that some people suffer their loss without an awareness of a compassionate Comrade. Are you one of these? Oh, dear soul, hear my heart cry to you and on your behalf to the only One who knows your pain completely. Do not suffer alone one moment longer. There are many ways for you to reach out to Him Who is right now reaching out to you. You can call 1-800-NEEDHIM or go to needhim.org where there will be someone who you can talk to and who will be able to help you discover what life without aloneness can be like.