written by Plex
According to Webster’s dictionary, “Perpetrate” is defined as “to do or perform something evil, criminal,or offensive; to be guilty of; to commit a blunder, impose a hoax”
A more generally accepted definition is anyone who intentionally or unintentionally does or says something that severely traumatizes another person. Yes, the trauma can be caused unintentionally. In fact, what is traumatic to one person may not be traumatic to another person. In other words, you can do something that for most people would not be traumatic at all, but for one individual at this time under these circumstances, it can be extremely traumatic – making you a perpetrator. That makes you stop and reconsider your assumptions about perpetrators, doesn’t it? It should.
In the case of many perpetrators, there is a repeated history of clearly abusive acts. When this is the case, they can become very skilled at hiding their offenses and manipulating their victims to keep the abuse a secret.
The general population has come to think this is true of all perpetrators. They are evil villains, always up to no good. People think they do their evil deeds in secret and put on a public face of innocence. But the fact is that it isn’t all that simple. In truth, there are times when the harm they cause, though very intensely and grievously painful and damaging, may not have been intentional at all. It may be the results of misguided beliefs or misunderstandings. It could be the results of a misinterpretation of the situation or intentions on the part of the victim. A person may respond to something they see as a crisis in a way that is inconsistent with their usual behavior and in that moment under those circumstances they may lash out. The reasons a person becomes a perpetrator are as diverse as the offenses they perpetrate.
Whether intentional or not, whether repeated or not, whether done in secret or out in plain view for the world to see – in every case the harm done to the victim is very real and valid. It cannot be excused on any basis or for any reason. It is not the fault of the victim; and it needs to be healed in order for the victim to recover from the trauma it caused.
