My separate self began soon after our family made a geographic move. My dad was a minister and our denomination was small, so when he changed churches, it often meant moving to an entirely new area.

I actually was very intentional about becoming someone new. Every time we went to a new place, people asked me about my double name (the name choice of my parents). I was embarrassed and felt very uncomfortable explaining that my parents had not agreed on a name for me for quite a while after my birth. When my uncle threatened to name me for them, they decided it was time they compromised. The result of that compromise was my double name.

Questions about identity always left me feeling vulnerable and exposed, though I didn’t know why.

I was 11 years old when we moved this time. According to my way of thinking, that was old enough to choose my own name. Changing my name was only the outward aspect of my new identity. I saw this move to a new place, where nobody knew me, as an opportunity to change my name and redefine who I would be.

I had become a Christian at age 9, so the new me was going to center on that aspect of my personality. The Beatitudes became my blueprint. I studied it in my new Bible (Amplified Version). It was all about being happy and blessed. I also studied the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7, where Jesus taught people how to be as well as what to do.

I thought I had a pretty clear idea of who I wanted to be. It was only natural for me to have a new name to go with the new me. When people in the new location asked me what my name was, I gave only the first half of my previous name.

That was the easy part. I had no idea of the trouble and turmoil that was about to enter my life.